Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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