hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
