I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
