I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
