That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
