i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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