he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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