i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
