if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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