Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
