There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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