Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
