Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
