she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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