Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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