yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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