that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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