i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
