Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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