That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
