I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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