Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I would ride that face into the sunset
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
