Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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