all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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