ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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