hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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