yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
