I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
