I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
