I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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