im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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