Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
