I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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