woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
two words: eviction party
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
