Just fell off a train. Bad.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
