Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
