Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
