Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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