I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
