Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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