watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
