my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
