I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
