I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
