We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
