what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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