UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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