I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
