Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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