I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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