Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
