im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
