I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
